Friday, September 19, 2014

A Body of Work




Something I've seen a little bit lately in the blog world has been posts about body image. Most of the posts I've read have been written by women, who in my opinion, have a more culturally ideal body than I do, and who adamantly say they have no body issues, but here's their opinion on it. I'm not writing this to negate anything they have said or feel, but rather to say that I find it odd that they are the voices on this issue, but also that as a society we are embarrassed to admit we struggle with body image or with being overweight in general.

It almost seems like you aren't supposed to admit you're unhappy about your body or appearance, but if you don't fit the ideal of our culture, then you will be bombarded with images and weight loss suggestions until you change. Of course, you will be simultaneously subjected to lots of food advertisements and people saying you have to be happy with your body right now and that you should just flaunt whatever body you have regardless of societal norms. So, to be unhappy with my body or weight is taboo, but in reality we don't want to be overweight either?

Not to mention the pressure put on moms in our day to look no different after giving birth (no matter how many children you've had) than they did as a teenager. If you don't bounce back than you just have no self-discipline or restraint and the implication is you are a failure as a woman, a wife, and a mom, and trust me, everyone puts in their two cents worth on this. Doesn't that just make you want a Hershey bar?

I struggled with posting pictures on my blog when I started it for a couple of reasons. I didn't want to give up a lot of my privacy, which is why you won't get my full name here, where I live exactly, or many pictures of my kids. Yet the main reason was because I was and am unhappy about my appearance. I used to be very active and never stick thin, but definitely a lot thinner than I am now. I used to have the time and ability to exercise every day, to go to the gym, and to run as long as I wanted.

Now, I'm not saying this to decry the effects of motherhood and pregnancy, nor do I want to use that as an excuse or crutch. Rather to say we have a wrong way of perceiving women and mothers in our culture. I am much more than my body or my appearance, and my body is more than my appearance, as well.

No matter how many times the 22 year old skinny feminist tries to tell us that it's men making us feel this way, I refuse to believe that. I've never had a man, including my husband, say anything about my weight, yet have had girls and women make comments about my appearance since elementary/grade school. Men are much less obsessed with our weight than other women seem to be. Not to mention that it's women whom we dread their scorn in this area. It's women whom we hope notice just how "hot" we look after losing weight or while wearing an outfit that makes us look amazing. After all, they are the ones who can really appreciate it, right? Just go on facebook/instagram and see how many women are posting workout photos and bragging about their bodies to other women. I know when I first went on facebook and saw just how many of the women I had went to high school with now posted almost constantly about their workouts I was a little shocked, then I felt guilty for what I was or wasn't doing. Now isn't that the point of posting those pictures?

There's nothing wrong with enjoying exercise, I actually enjoy it, I just don't get to do as much as I would like, but only to say maybe we should question why we are talking and posting so much about our bodies. What's the point of that picture? Am I showing it only in hopes of making others feel bad? Do I take pride only in my appearance or am I more than the body that houses my soul? Why do we have to be embarrassed to have any body issues? I have a feeling all women in our culture struggle with body image to a certain extent, it's kind of unavoidable.

I realize this may seem like an odd topic to come from someone who is a blogger and has multiple pictures of themselves posted on here, but I am asking myself these same questions. I do take more than one picture for each post and I do only pick the ones I think make me look my best, but I am starting to question my motives. Am I doing this only to feel some sort of validation or is it only to share a love for certain styles of clothing?

We live in an age of discontentment and I am resolving right now to not be ashamed that I've not got the perfect body, the figure I once had, or the figure I really want. But I will choose to be content where I am while endeavoring to make needed changes (seriously, I want to fit in my jeans, not have to buy new ones). I'm grateful that my body has withstood the growth and birth of four babies as well as the death of two. I'm amazed when I look at my children to know they were and are such a part of me and have such a connection and bond with me. I'm blessed that my husband still thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world and am sure he's lost his mind or eyesight when I look in the mirror.

This is partially why I have chosen to post pictures of myself post-partem, swelling and all. I want to show what motherhood actually looks like, not what we're told it looks like and in some way to celebrate that. To show the imperfection and yet the strength of the human body. The fact that we have been created to do so much with it and how it changes and survives and thrives in spite of all our bodies are put through. I don't want to hide behind motherhood or physical conditions as an excuse to being unhealthy, but rather choose to not hide away in spite of them. I'm not there yet, but by God's grace, I will get there.

How do you deal with your body image? Do you feel like there's shame to admitting we're unhappy with our bodies? 

8 comments:

  1. As I get older I feel better about my body. I love to eat and while I walk a lot I don't get tons of aerobix exercise. I admit I like to keep my weight somewhat constant, mostly to fit in my vintage clohes, but I don't worry to much about it. I do worry a bit about ballooning after forty but that is mostly because as I said I love to eat and my wardrobe is an investment and I don't want to not fit in it. Overall I feel pretty good about my body and I think woman of all sizes are lovely. I consider myself a feminist but I do think that its mostly women who are hard on eachother, however I do think there is a great imbalance in the media in regards to how women and men look. How many shows have a chubby dumpy guy paired with a gorgeous thin young woman? How many successful female actors are their over 50? Also when a male star gains weight it doesn't get blasted all over the media. These things do annoy me a bit, but I don't think men are necessarily to blame.
    retro rover

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    1. I think as I get older I'm definitely looking at my body differently and I LOVE food, too. Alas diabetes and heart disease are everywhere in my family and I want to really be here for my kids. I just think it's sad that we, as women, are often the biggest critics of other women. Attaching our inherent value to looking a certain way. I'm in my thirties and still struggle with the fact that how I look doesn't change who I am. I'm learning that I can choose whether or not to let my size or shape or weight define me.
      We have to stop telling ourselves we're too this or that to do or be certain things. If we don't let size define us, than others won't focus on it.
      Thanks for sharing!
      Sarah

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  2. Perhaps our society's focus on our physical appearance reflects a lack of recognizing inner realities. From what you've written on your blog I see you as a creative young mother, committed to your husband and nurturing your children. People come in all shapes and sizes, and our appearance changes over our lifetimes. But it's the inner reality, the person you are, that counts. The Bible says, God sees not as man sees. Man (meaning people, both m and f) looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart. Keep your heart right and you will be blessed, you, your husband and your children. God bless you!

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    1. Thank you, and I totally agree. I think my body has just went through so much in the last few years that I've not really had time to recover or acclimate to the changes. I do ok until I go to put on certain clothes, then I feel bad. I think we need to make the distinction between who we are and what we look like. I'm trying hard to not pass on my insecurities about my appearance to my daughters. I think that bothers me most.
      I am thankful that in Christ we are all equal and have His righteousness and not our own.
      Thank you for the encouraging words.
      Sarah

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  3. This reminds me of something I read the other day (can't remember where) which discussed how women should be allowed to love their bodies no matter what but not feel obligated to. I think that's a pretty important distinction. A lot of the time it can feel sort of "damned if you do, damned if you don't" when it comes to body image.

    I have quite good self esteem, yet that doesn't mean there aren't aspects about my body that I want to change. I put on a lot of weight in the year after university and am working on getting back to my normal size. My goal weight is how I feel best and healthiest, regardless of what society judges to be the "ideal". I like to think you can want to change your body without being ashamed of your current body.

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    1. Exactly. It's like you should feel ashamed either way. I think in reality our cultural obsession with our bodies may have more to do with marketing and advertising than anything else.
      Here's to being content whatever shape or size we currently are.
      Sarsh

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  4. It is definitely an interesting issue, and something we face constantly when putting pictures of ourselves on our blogs. I find I feel more self-conscious about my face than the rest of my body, and how it looks governs which photos I choose to publish. I also wonder about where to draw the line on photo editing. Since I'm showing my work off, not myself or my friends who model for me, does that excuse me editing more to get a particular look to my photo, or am I contributing to the whole body image problem?

    There is definitely shame put on us for not being happy with our body, especially if we are not an unhealthy weight. I want to return to my pre-baby body (and even my pre-pre-baby body), partially to get into the clothes I have missed wearing since then, and partially, obviously, for health and appearance. But I do know there are likely to be changes that will remain, and I'll just have to see how it plays out.

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  5. I know for me, I decided to only edit lighting and coloring (for better accuracy) and to crop photos. I don't say that to brag, but because I would never want someone to feel bad about themselves, especially when what they're seeing isn't real to begin with. The obsession with photoshopping has even moved to selfies for fb or Instagram and Twitter. I wonder how our memories and our kids perceptions of us will be shaped when we photoshop all pictures of ourselves?
    As far as our bodies changing through motherhood, I think it's a combination of learning to be content in the moment and to not give in and keep trying to stay active. I for sure have motivation to fit in some of my clothes again, but have to keep reminding myself that this is only for a season and to just use the time I do have now for exercising. At least that's what I'm trying to remind myself, lol.
    Sarah

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